


The Wedding Day

by JustAnotherUnderstudy



Series: Grief is the Price We Pay for Love [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-11 21:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18432671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherUnderstudy/pseuds/JustAnotherUnderstudy
Summary: James had never seen Olivia look more beautiful or more happy.





	The Wedding Day

**Author's Note:**

> "And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone— " Edgar Allen Poe, "Alone"

James watched as Olivia wandered across the room, talking quietly with her daughter. As the two made their way to the small buffet that had been set out, James discreetly admired Olivia. The pink a-line dress she wore draped across only one shoulder with an intricate pattern on the strap. The dress itself was simple in design, but on Olivia, it was stunning. Her bare shoulder was tantalizing. She had the same small smile she’d had all day, the one he had learned over the years meant she was happy and content. He had spent a decade trying to find a way to get her smile like that. If he had known it could be something as simple as falling in love, he’d have told her years ago how he felt.

No, that wasn’t true. He never would have told her. He never would tell her.

On the other side of the room stood a man with a similar look to Olivia’s. They were suited to each other, she and Peter. An old colleague of Olivia’s late husband, now a widower himself, was certainly a good fit. James and Tanner had looked as deeply into the man as was humanly possible, and had him followed more than once. He was a good man. More importantly to James, Peter made Olivia happy.

James slowly crossed the room and approached Peter just as Tanner was ending a conversation with him and excusing himself.

That, too, was a lie. Tanner had seen James coming and knew he’d want a word with Peter while Olivia was distracted. The couple would be leaving in only a few hours for their honeymoon and James needed to talk to him before they left.

“James,” Peter exclaimed happily as James approached them. “Quite the soiree Lisa’s put on here, isn’t it?”

James nodded.

“Yes, Olivia’s daughter is very good at this sort of thing,” he said. “There’s more outside. I don’t think you’ve had a chance to see it all yet.”

He led Peter out a side door and onto the veranda where more tables and decorations were set up around a small fountain. Two large bouquets of pink roses and gladiolus, matching Olivia’s dress, were arranged in the upper and lower pools.

Around the veranda, various friends and former co-workers were seated around the tables decorated with similar, but smaller, arrangements. Somehow, the whole place seemed to smell of Olivia’s favorite perfume. He couldn’t think of any way to make this day more perfect.

Yet another lie that James told himself. There was one way to make this day more perfect, and he and Tanner had had quite the argument over it. All that mattered to James was that Olivia was happy. And Peter certainly was good at making Olivia happy.

Besides, James thought as he and Peter walked over to the stone wall at the edge of the veranda to take a look at the view of the seaside below, it made far more sense for Olivia to be with someone her own age. Peter was someone she had more in common with than she ever could with him. Tanner had disagreed vehemently and James was certain Tanner had never been so angry about anything in his life.

James and Peter enjoyed the view and sipped their drinks for a few minutes before James finally opened the subject he wanted to discuss with Peter.

“Olivia is very happy today,” James said, ignoring the tightness in his chest as he was forced to acknowledge that fact aloud.

He watched as Peter’s gaze softened as he stared out at the horizon. James felt a pang of jealousy, not unlike the ones he’d had since first learning of her relationship with Peter.

It wasn’t as if James had ever planned to say anything to her. But he had made the foolish assumption that, while he knew they could never have more than friendship, she would be, more or less, available to him. He could call her on a whim and ask her to the opera or a play and she would be free to attend. Or, at the very least, they would continue to meet up to play cards and chat after he returned from a mission.

Now, James had exactly what he’d started with, which was nothing.

“I’m a lucky man, you know,” Peter said.

James thought the appeal was needless. James knew full well just how lucky Peter was. If he was 30 years older himself, James knew he would have been the lucky one.

“I never thought I’d bother with marriage again,” Peter continued. “I wasn’t even looking.”

James listened quietly as he was forced, again, to listen to the story of how Peter fell in love with Olivia.

“But she is something else,” he said with a chuckle. “She took me completely by surprise.”

James could relate. How long had it taken him to realize he was in love with her? So many years, followed by years of bitterness over the fact that, not only was she his boss, but he was far too young to attract her attention. Bitterness led to stupidity which led to the need after Skyfall to rebuild her trust in him.

“And now, here we are,” Peter finished, shaking his head bemusedly as he turned toward James.

“You are a lucky man,” James said. “She is really a marvelous woman.”

He felt himself slipping into his agent persona, something he tried to avoid around Peter, in order to keep himself from revealing his feelings.

“I’ve known Olivia a very long time,” he continued. “And I think you should know that if you hurt her, I will make sure your suffering is endless.”

Peter chuckled in reaction to James threat. James knew most people who warned the groom this way were saying it as a simple reminder to treat the bride right. James wasn’t, however, and Peter didn’t take long to notice.

He gave James a long look during which James was sure he gave nothing away.

“Well, that’s a wonder,” Peter finally said. “As observant as Olivia is, she has never seen the truth, has she?”

James wondered if Peter meant how cold and calculating James appeared. If that was the case, Olivia did know very well how he was.

“Everyone thinks you’re like a son to her,” Peter said. “But that’s not your feelings at all.”

James maintained his silence since Peter had asked him no question yet. He feared the man was getting close to the mark, however.

“Olivia’s told me how the two of you were attacked by a man who wanted to kill her and that you fought him off together,” Peter said. “She thinks that’s the reason you still visit her.”

James suspected as much, but to hear the truth hurt more than he’d imagined it would. She didn’t have the slightest inkling of his feelings for her. For all the years she spent learning every little button to push to get him to serve her, she had missed that, over time, the buttons were no longer needed.

“You’re in love with her,” Peter finally stated.

James neither confirmed nor denied Peter’s words, but it didn’t seem he had to. Peter had figured it out from this one conversation. How had Olivia missed it?

James felt in himself a pang of self-pity, which he squashed immediately. He had never wanted Olivia to know. He’d never wanted to face her rejection.

“Why didn’t you say something to her?” Peter asked.

James didn’t understand why they needed to continue the conversation but he did know he had to make sure Peter never told Olivia.

“That’s not important,” James explained. “You just need to make sure you never say anything to her.”

“You should have said something to her,” Peter continued.

James shook his head.

“There you two are.”

Olivia’s voice caught him by surprise and James tried to recover himself before turning toward her. Peter seemed to do a better job than he and took Olivia in his arms to give her a gentle but passionate kiss.

James could tell it wasn’t done in malice toward him. He averted his eyes just the same.

Olivia smiled up at Peter when he finally released her, it was a smile James had long fantasized about, a heated smile that held the promise of so much more than a kiss.

“You two, I swear,” Lisa chided humorously. “We need to get to the cake.”

She took Peter by the arm and she and Olivia whisked him away for the ceremonial cutting of the cake.

Tanner joined him as he followed the guests into the dining hall.

“That didn’t look like it went well,” he commented quietly.

“He guessed,” James grimaced at the thought.

“Is he going to say something?” Tanner asked.

James shook his head.

Peter would never say a thing to Olivia about this, James was sure. He was glad for it. Her knowing would have made things awkward. It was better she never know. It would bring an end to what little time they would have together now that she was married again.

The rest of the afternoon passed painfully slowly. Tanner finally got tired of watching James watch Olivia and Peter and joined Moneypenny and Q who looked like they were playing games against each other on their phones .

Finally, Peter and Olivia got ready to say goodbye, but they had one surprise before they left. Lisa brought out a chair for Peter to sit on and a small step stool which Olivia put one foot up on. James wondered for a moment what they were doing, until the raucous music started and Peter smiled up at Olivia and began to slowly lift her skirt, baring her leg, centimeter by tantalizing centimeter.

James found himself hoping that she had opted for modesty and had the garter around her calf, but he was not to have that mercy. Instead he got a full view of her beautiful leg that he’d never seen, but had long imagined. He glanced up at Peter in time to see the groom wiggle his eyebrows suggestively and mouth the words “nice gams.”

Slowly, but deliberately, James melted into the background until he was certain only she would ever be able to find him.

He had made his peace, he’d told himself. Accepted his life for what it was and let go of his selfish desires knowing they could never be fulfilled no matter what he did. But today had tugged at an old wound James had thought long since healed, and now it felt like it was gaping for the world to see.

James did come out of the shadows to see the couple off. He couldn’t let Olivia leave without telling her goodbye. He wanted to pull her into an embrace and whisper how lovely she was and how he wished her well. Instead, he took her hand and shook it, simply said, “good luck” and watched her get into the car with her new husband.

Tanner stood with him as the crowd dissipated after the couple drove away, then he patted James on the shoulder and gave him a slight tug to get him moving.

As he drove back toward London that evening, James thought of the time years ago when Olivia had been waiting for him, worried he had exacted ultimate vengeance on Vesper’s former boyfriend. She told him she was glad he’d learned his lesson about not trusting anyone, but that had been a lie on his part. He still trusted _her_.

The real lesson James had learned from Vesper was a far more painful one. It was then, after all the years of loss, that James had finally learned that he could never have what he wanted. Life had shown him that time and again. As the years had gone by after the loss of his parents, he lost others through death or just because he’d never quite understood how to fit in among the living. Only with _her_ had he ever felt anything close to what others might call home. But as soon as he’d acknowledged that feeling, he’d known it could never be.

James had been alone in the world since he was a child and, after Vesper, had known that this was how he was always going to be. Now that Olivia was married, James knew the time he spent with her would become less and less. It was just the way it always went for him. His only consolation was that when Olivia had left him, she was smiling and happy and off for better things.


End file.
